It all started when my cat died.
That sounds terribly sad, but in the days and weeks that followed his departure, I noticed that something of an anchor had been lifted. I didn’t need someone to take care of him if I went away for prolonged periods. Could God be doing something?
I liked where I lived. My things where I liked them. Everything in its place. But toward the end of that year I realised that the house I was living in was empty when I left for the day. Surely these rooms should be filled with the sound of family, vibrant and alive. Instead, in my absence, there was nothing but silence and still life. Nothing moved inside. All of a sudden, this space I loved so much just felt too big. Was God doing something?
That’s when the downsizing began. I moved into a smaller apartment, which forced me to let go of things. Everything that wouldn’t fit. I felt a shifting. A loosening.
Even in my day-to-day there was a dryness. A lacking. I loved my job but started to realise that it wasn’t ‘what I was here for’. I sat in church on a Sunday morning, and I loved worship, and I loved fellowship, but was this it? What was God doing?
And then I discovered the world through language learning. I spent a few hours online each week learning a new language, and from there I started to explore the world from my living room. International movies and documentaries, biographical conversion stories, Encyclopedia Britannica. My sense of geography improved far beyond anything I ever learned in high school. And I prayed, God, what are you doing?
“And I prayed, God, what are you doing?”
I started to notice the people who came across my path from the countries and regions that I was learning about. They had incredible stories from their homelands. Abundance and famine. War and migration. These stories sounded like they were out of the Bible, but they were happening today. I wanted so desperately to learn more, and I prayed, God, is this what you are doing?
I started to investigate intercultural ministry options and unbelievable doors opened up. Connections from all over the world, free training opportunities, international prayer groups with believers on the ground. And I prayed, God, is this what I’m here for?
And then He gave me a burden. A burden for a land I’ve never been to, and people I’ve never seen. He gave me many hours of prayerful tears, weeping with a heart I never knew I had. It was His. And I prayed, God what can I do?
What happened next was something of a whirlwind. The downsizing became a complete life transformation. Everything that I owned found its place in a new home or in storage boxes. A complete stripping back. What once filled a family home, now filled only ten plastic crates and two suitcases. A once-independent, full-time professional, content with self-sufficiency, became a student of life and the mission of God. I had turned my life inside out and upside down in the interest of learning how to walk toward what God is doing. And I prayed, God what am I doing?!
I find myself still on that path. Walking toward what He is doing. This preparation process has been long. But I believe that it is because, though I’ve shed many of my worldly possessions, He means to declutter what I still carry inside. Living in community on a mission training campus, every day is an opportunity to grow, to declutter my heart and soul. Every day is another opportunity to for Him to heal, mature, and prepare me. Every day is a new day to pray, God, please, show me what you are doing.
Shauna* is preparing to serve On Track with Interserve.
*Names have been changed.
